Walk Away

September 21, 2020

It would be difficult to estimate just how much stress I have avoided, minimized, and prevented by my willingness to walk away from conflict. I can assure you, however, that it's been an enormous factor that has contributed greatly to my own happiness and peace of mind.

Many people think it's weak to walk away. I disagree. Anyone can fight, argue, bicker or battle. That's easy, and most people do it. It takes a strong and, I believe, wise person, however, to be willing to walk away.

I'm not only talking about walking away from physical confrontations, although that's part of it. I'm talking about being able to walk away from arguments and conflicts that are likely to lead to stress, headache, agony, anxiety, or hassle.

I'm lucky that a vast majority of the people I work with, spend time with, or partner with in some capacity are ethical, wonderful people. From time to time, however, I run across people who are unreasonable, argumentative, adversarial, defensive, conflict-oriented, or just plain difficult. Some people seem to try to "pick a fight," almost like sport. I'm sure you've met some of them.

There are people who love to threaten and hassle others, some who actually enjoy lawsuits and other types of conflict. I was recently threatened with a suit by someone simply because I had agreed to help someone else - and this person didn't like! It was one of the most ridiculous, frivolous things I had ever seen. And while many people I discussed it with were urging me to fight back - sue him for harassment, or whatever - I chose to walk away. Why? Was I weak? I don't think so.

Think about what happens when you engage yourself in this type of conflict (or something similar). Think of all the energy you spend, and the hours and hours you spend thinking about it. You end up angry, frustrated, and stressed. You create hatred and resentment. You spend your valuable time discussing it with others. Your head is filled with negativity. You try to prove your position. You argue and try to make the other party wrong. you hire lawyers. You go to court. And to what end? You get to feel like you are "right".

In my personal example, as is almost always the case, the situation faded, the urgency diminished and eventually resolved itself. Had I chosen to fight back and escalate the conflict, something as stupid as this could have become much bigger, Far better, I believe, to not sweat the small stuff.

Robert, a sixteen-year-old, was encouraged by his buddies to punch someone who was, allegedly, going to report something he had done to the principal of their school. They urged him on, saying "You can't let him get away with that." He did punch the guy. He then kicked him when he was down and seriously hurt him. While his buddies, the enthusiasts, walked away scot-free, Robert was arrested and sentenced to a year in juvenile hall. Had he simply walked away, a year of misery could have been avoided.

The same principle applies to so many situations - someone argues with you, cuts you off on the freeway, accuses you of something, corrects you in front of a friend, or has a need to be "right". You might have a disagreement with someone who can't "agree to disagree" and has a need to battle over it. The specific situations are endless. All of us are involved, from time to time, in circumstances where we have a choice of battling to prove that we are "right" or simply walking away.

While there are certainly times when it's either wise or necessary to fight back, it's not as often as you might think. Most of the time, it's wiser and more practical to simply walk away. Doing so will save you more grief, hassle, and aggravation than you can possibly imagine.

Richard Carlson