Many people, immediately when they get home from work, change their clothes, walk the dog, putter in the garden, play with their children, meditate, exercise, talk quietly to their spouse: All of these are rituals.
My father practiced a consistent ritual for shifting form work time to family time when he came home each night. No matter the hour, after saying hello to my mother and the kids, he would take a shower. I remember sitting at the table along with my mother and siblings, dinner prepared, waiting for him to come downstairs. My mother would often be exasperated or furious at his lateness -- with us kids generally siding with her, eager to star eating -- yet nothing could make him abandon his personal ritual. He was not truly home, he used to say, until he'd "washed off the day"; for that, he needed the shower.
Looking back, I realize that if my mother and father had been aware of the role of ritual, and had communicated about it, she would have been more understanding. She might have accepted and respected his ritual in general -- but suggested that, if dinner had been ready for a half hour or so, he might relinquish his time shifting and join us immediately. With both points of view acknowledged and understood, the friction could have been avoided.
I know several people who immediately turn on the television to watch the news when they got home from work. I believe this is a habit, not a ritual: It's a simple switching on of image and sound that does not alter the basic rhythm of society they've brought home with them.
Distinguishing habit from ritual is fairly easy. Ask yourself, about any activity, "If I were consciously trying to change my rhythm, would I do this?" You'll see that your rituals actually do shift time, while the habits tend to reinforce a sameness of rhythm.
However, through conscious awareness, we can make rituals out of habits. If, for example, you always turn on the television set when you get home not because you're interested in any program but because you "need" noise, you can be consciously aware of that need and put on music instead of television and slow down to really listen.
Chores, too, can become conscious rituals. For instance, I wash the dishes every night, and I consciously use it as a way of settling in. For me, it's a wonderful way to practice mindfulness. In fact, I've come to realize that I really enjoy washing the dishes. In my busy day, it's one of the things I know I will get completed, I can do it without struggling against it, and it won't make me feel stressed. Why should I rush it? To show myself how efficiently I can get it done? I simple do the dishes and breathe. It's not my greatest joy, or in any way earth - shattering- but becoming present through just this sort of mundane ritual is the foundation of the rhythm and flow that can create well-being and harmony in my life.
If you have a pet, wet aside a few times every day for spending conscious time with it. Instead of absently stroking it, really concentrate on its reactions - and yours. You'll find yourself settling into a tranquil present.
If you have a child, take time each day to really pay attention to and be with him or her. If you have more than one child, try to have private time with each one individually. Not only will you be able to entrain with wonderful childhood rhythm, but also you may get to know your child in a whole new way.
Honor the mundane ritual by leaving time for it. I wake up early, to have time for meditation and turning in to the day. Try setting your alarm a little earlier than you are used to, so you can perform whatever ritual you choose to enable you to enter into the day in your own individual rhythm, rather than plunging at once into that of the world's.
A friend of mine makes sure she gets to the office fifteen minutes early every day. Years ago, she never would have considered coming in early voluntarily - and would have balked if it had been suggested that she should. But now she says that doing this has literally change her life, because it's subtly and profoundly affected her approach to work. Simply by giving herself time to sort through her papers and do some quiet thinking, she starts the day at her own pace, and is able to continue in it throughout her day -- instead of feeling rushed and always behind, as she previously felt.
Another friend takes a meditation break at work in lieu of coffee or a cigarette. A third always sits in her car for at least five minutes after driving home from work before she enters her house to join her husband and three children.
All these are means of shifting time ...
Most of my practical suggestions are for rituals that you can incorporate into your day, and they roughly fall into one of the following six categories:
- Being in the moment
- Creating time boundaries
- Honoring the mundane
- Creating spontaneous time
- Doing what we like to do
- Creating time retreats
Stephan Rechtschaffen
exasperated: adj
exasperate: verb
furious
giận dữ, điên tiết She was furious with him about it.
frictionthe rubbing together of two things
sự ma sát sự ma sát, cọ sát
quarrelling;
disagreementsự tranh cãi There seems to be some friction between the workmen and the manager.
shattering
entrain
to get on a
train:
On 2nd May we entrained for Dieppe.
The night of the next day, we entrained.
Ngày 11 tháng 9 kéo theo một kiểu suy sụp đạo đức trên toàn thế giới.
Lập luận bắt nguồn từ một thí nghiệm đã sai lầm khủng khiếp.
Một vùng áp thấp trên Biscay kéo theo một đợt không khí lạnh đến các khu vực phía tây.
Các giọt nước phun ra từ tia nước sẽ bị cuốn theo luồng không khí.
Việc tiêm melatonin hàng ngày được tiêm vào lúc 3h30 mỗi chiều đã cuốn chuột vào chu kỳ 24 giờ.
Tôi tin rằng đàn hạc có một ảnh hưởng đặc biệt đến hệ thần kinh để chúng ta say mê nó mạnh mẽ hơn đàn vi-ô-lông.
balk I was reluctant ( balk) to leave because I was having such a good time.
I was loath ( balk )to spend all the money at once.
I am disinclined (balk ) to take on the extra work without more pay.
subtly
tinh vi, tinh tế, khó thấy
lieu
realternate, instead (of):
retreat
reverse, back up, withdraw, back, pull back
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